Sung to the tune of "American Pie" by Don McClean. Or use the words of Andy at the Borowitz Report.
SIMI VALLEY, CALIFORNIA (The Borowitz Report)—American democracy, a long-running institution whose popularity endured for over two hundred years, drew millions of viewers to its final episode Wednesday night.
While the official ratings for democracy’s finale will not be available until Thursday, initial reports indicated that a larger than expected number tuned in to witness the last moments of the nation’s system of government.
Network executives had warned that the final episode was not for the squeamish, but many viewers were still shocked by how dark and apocalyptic it turned out to be.
One reviewer, calling the finale a "shattering conclusion," wrote, "For casual fans of American democracy who weren’t paying much attention to it lately, what they saw in Wednesday’s episode must have come as a shock: a cast of characters who were thoroughly unlikable, unappealing, and, in the end, totally unredeemed."
Still, based on the strong ratings for Wednesday’s episode, network executives decided to "supersize" democracy’s death throes by scheduling a dozen additional episodes between now and November, 2016.
In the words of one executive, "American democracy is not as popular as it once was, but a lot of people still want to see how it ends."
Yup. Watching the debate right now. The GOP candidates all agree on major issues and are cutting each other's throats to prove it. War with Iran. Defund Planned Parenthood. Repeal Obamacare. And if any of them ever stepped out of that box, tonight they folded like wet playing cards to get back in the box. And that includes the nominal adult on the stage, John Kasich. Elect any one of them? I'll join the old guys drinking whiskey and rye.
You don't think some of these guys will kill our democracy? I am listening to Trump talk about forceful deportation of those he considers "bad dudes". Think about it. How will he accomplish that? With what agencies? National Guard? Local Police? Military action on American soil?