Following the events of last week, in which a crazed western lowland gorilla ruthlessly murdered 21 people in a local shopping plaza after escaping from the San Diego Zoo, sources across the country confirmed Thursday that national gorilla sales have since skyrocketed.
Opponents to gorilla control legislation, however, appear to be fervent in their defense of their gorilla possession rights. A spokesperson for the powerful yet controversial national gorilla lobby told reporters that a ban on gorillas would not end incidents such as that in San Diego, as those who want the large primates could simply buy them from illegal dealers who smuggle them into the country from the jungles of sub-Saharan Africa.
While reading this one (from onion.com), remember our 2nd Amendment rights.
"A well regulated Primate species, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and care for Gorillas, shall not be infringed."
h/t Sarah Geracht Gassen via Facebook