Wednesday, November 18, 2015

Back-to-back Borowitz: Latest incredible news from Trump and Carson

Can Trump bash mosques and deport Hispanics at the same time?

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—There are growing fears among supporters of the Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump that his new focus on Muslims is distracting him from his campaign against Mexicans.

... a die-hard Trump volunteer who is working for his campaign in Iowa, called such criticism of her candidate "misguided." "You don’t get to be a successful businessman like Donald Trump without being able to multitask," she said.

Carson's foreign policy tools: "No Web site should be taken off the table"

DES MOINES (The Borowitz Report)— ... Speaking in Iowa, the retired neurosurgeon told an audience of supporters, "Any responsible policy on Syria must begin with a fact-finding mission, and such a mission must begin with Googling."

He said that "Google holds the key" to many questions about Syria. "Where is it? Who lives there? How many square miles is it? These are all things that have to be pinned down," he said.

... he said that he had "no plans" to Google Egypt, since he was already extremely well versed in that nation’s history.

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