Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Trump wins Indiana, Cruz quits, and US Senate mourns

Andy Borowitz in the New Yorker explains.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The United States Senate declared an official day of mourning on Wednesday to mark the impending return of Senator Ted Cruz (R-Texas) to the legislative body.

Ordering all flags at the U.S. Capitol to half-staff, the Senate Majority Leader, Mitch McConnell, announced the day of mourning in a somber proclamation. “We mark this day with a deep personal sense of loss that will never completely heal,” he said.

[Snip. Check out Andy's satire for more from other Senators.]

“We have to respect the will of the voters, but they didn’t think about the devastating effect this would have on us,” the usually stoic McConnell said, his voice quavering. “There’s a real human cost to this.”

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