Sunday, October 9, 2016

Borowitz report: Republican party will return to the political scene in 80 years

Andy Borowitz (the New Yorker satirist) interviews experts who predict the rebirth of the Republican party as early as 2096. Other strategists think it will take much, much longer for the party to completely uncouple itself from Donald Trump. 2132 is the more conservative bet.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In what is being described as a best-case scenario, some political experts are predicting that the Republicans could once again be a viable political party as early as the year 2096.

Davis Logsdon, the head of the University of Minnesota’s political-science department, said on Saturday that the eighty-year time frame for the Republican Party to recover was “admittedly optimistic, but still doable.”

“It’s not going to be easy, and they have very little margin for error,” Logsdon said. “But if they do everything right and a lot of things cut their way, they could be up and running as a somewhat serviceable political party as early as 2096.”

According to the political strategist Tracy Klugian, however, Logsdon’s 2096 target date for the Republicans’ comeback is “laughably upbeat.”

“In order for the G.O.P. to become even a marginally functional political party again, all memory of the 2016 campaign will have to be obliterated,” Klugian said. “That means everyone who witnessed it will have to be dead, and probably those people’s children, and their children’s children, too. I wouldn’t bet on the Republican Party recovering any earlier than the year 2132.”

When asked about Klugian’s assessment, Logsdon said, “Yeah, 2132 is probably more like it.”

Trump and his followers are much more optimistic, of course, guessing the revival of the Republican party at around 1950.

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