Monday, November 7, 2016

Borowitz Report on Clinton new slogan - won't blow up the planet

Andy Borowitz (New Yorker) filed this report on a last minute appeal by the Clinton campaign to groups that oppose blowing up the planet.

RALEIGH (News Satire from The Borowitz Report)—Delivering her closing argument of the 2016 campaign, Hillary Clinton has replaced her campaign slogan, “Stronger Together,” with a new one, “Won’t Blow Up Planet.”

According to Clinton-campaign sources, the new slogan is designed to appeal to suburban women, a group of voters that has historically opposed blowing up the planet.

But, even as Clinton spoke, the slogan came under fire from Donald Trump’s campaign manager, Kellyanne Conway, who said that it reflected “the failed policies of the past.”

“The American people have just had eight years of a President who didn’t blow up the planet,” Conway said. “Donald Trump is offering something different.”

Trump’s staff, according to Scriber’s sources, have crafted a counter ad campaign in which they fault Obama for being too fearful of starting a nuclear war. My sources tell me that the ending song from Dr. Strangelove, “We’ll meet again,” is in competition with the Peggy Lee classic “Is that all there is” for the background music for the new Trump ad.

Is that all there is, is that all there is
If that’s all there is my friends, then let’s keep dancing
Let’s break out the booze and have a ball
If that’s all there is

Remember that Scriber sources are only slightly less reliable than Borowitz sources.

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