Girl Scouts Obtain Restraining Order Against Trump writes New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz.
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an extraordinary rebuke of the President of the United States, the Girl Scouts of the U.S.A. have obtained a restraining order against Donald J. Trump.
The order, which the Girls Scouts were granted on Monday night, prevents Trump from coming within three hundred feet of any gathering of the Scouts’ organization.
Carol Foyler, a Girl Scouts spokesperson, said that while the G.S.U.S.A. sought the restraining order “out of an abundance of caution,” the girls themselves were “in no way, shape or form” afraid of President Trump.
“They’re prepared to deal with bobcats and bears,” she said. “They can handle a malignant narcissist.”
Trump wasted little time responding to the Girl Scouts’ action, lashing out at the organization in a blistering early-morning tweet storm.
“Failing Girl Scouts bad (or sick) guys,” Trump wrote. “Mints, cookies terrible. Sad!”
Scriber congratulates the GSUSA for their foresight and proactive action. Undoubtedly their restraining order was in reaction to Trump’s speech at the Boy Scouts Of America National Jamboree.
The NY Times covers that speech in After Trump Injects Politics Into Speech, Boy Scouts Face Blowback.
The quadrennial event … attracts tens of thousands of people, and very often, presidents, who usually speak about service, values and citizenship. But Mr. Trump used the speech to rail against “fake news” and recount his election victory.
Scriber’s Usually Unreliable Sources report that, in a rare display of empathy for the difficulties his speech caused the Boy Scouts, Trump ordered his Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos, to prepare a 10-question multiple choice test covering the main points of his speech. Those Sources say that Trump plans to personally administer the test after his reelection at the next quadrennial jamboree.
The themes of that future speech, Trump mentioned, will be Crooked Hillary, Weak Jeff, Russian witch-hunt, and Trumpscare. According to Scriber’s Sources, Trump said “Those are the persisting, cornerstone values of this Presidency. The Boy Scouts would do well to enter into service to my administration so they can maintain their citizenship. I’m suing the Girl Scouts.”