Monday, December 10, 2018

Wishing Trump a Mueller Christmas and other Illustrated Gnus

Here are today’s themes, schemes, memes, and falemes from AZBlueMeanie’s faves at Blog for Arizona - and a bonus breaking gnus report.

Mars to earth
  • Trump goes to war with Planet Earth. Martians consider building a wall.
  • Iconic image: Putin high-fives with MBS, Trump on sidelines.
  • Trump: "I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot someone and not lose support …
  • MBS: “and I could have a journalist dismembered in Turkey and not lose his.”
  • NYSE reacts to Trump tweets: “Aaaiiiiieeeeeeeee!” The rest of us react to NYSE: “Aaaiiiiieeeeeeeee!”
  • Faster than a sinking stock market: Tariff Man .
  • GOP cheats to win and cheats when they lose.
  • 41: 1000 points of light. 45: one point of light (his cell phone).
  • Bush lies in state. Trump lies in every state.
  • Mueller opens DC cabaret. Flynn sings.
  • Speaking of singing: Trump does not react well to carolers singing “We wish you a Mueller Christmas.”
  • And just in: John Kelly Departs White House with Nuclear Codes Hidden in Pants reports New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz.

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The outgoing chief of staff, John Kelly, departed the White House with the nation’s nuclear codes hidden in his pants, General Kelly has confirmed.

Kelly, whose illustrious military career spanned five decades, called his absconding with the nuclear codes “my greatest act of service to my country.”

Speaking to reporters from his home, Kelly said that he had planned the heist of the nation’s nuclear codes with the pinpoint timing of a clandestine military mission.

“I went into the Oval Office on Friday when I knew Trump would be distracted because ‘Fox & Friends’ was on,” he said. “Then, when he started tweeting something that one of the hosts told him to do, I slipped the codes into my pants, as quick as lightning.”

Kelly revealed that, in order to prevent Trump from retrieving the codes, he was keeping them in his pants for safekeeping.

“Let’s see that draft-dodging coward try to get them off me,” he said, his eyes gleaming with malice.

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