Monday, July 1, 2019

Mournday Mourning - it's not as bad as it could be

America treats migrant kids like dogs
  • Just kidding #1: Trump Organization donates soap, toothbrushes, blankets, and Trump-monogrammed towels to kids in detention camps.
  • Just kidding #2: Trump signs executive order reuniting detained kids with their parents.
  • Just kidding #3: Homeland Security releases database with IDs of those kids and their parents.
  • Just kidding #4: Trump accepts responsibility for father-daughter drowning victims.

Scriber’s Usually Unreliable sources report on a conversation among members of Trump’s MAGA base.
M1: I thought “Lock her up” referred to Hillary Clinton.
M2: Naw. This is 2020. “Lock her up” is our policy on migrant kids.

Here are the rest of themes, schemes, memes, and falemes in this edition of the Illustrated Gnus (aka [cartoons from AZ Blue Meanie][toons] at Blog for Arizona).

  • Did Trump say “Cocked and loaded?” Pentagon’s response is no “Half Cocked” war.
  • Trump answers latest allegation of rape: “She’s not my type.” Doesn’t that imply that there rexists a rape victim who is Trump’s type?
  • Supreme Court names the Gerry Mander as our national bird - thereby flipping the bird to we voters.
  • Just kidding #5: MAGA members, condemning socialism, agree to give up their Medicare.

Parting shot

New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz reports on Trump’s meet-up with Kim at the DMZ.

NORTH KOREA (The Borowitz Report)—Setting foot in North Korea for the first time, on Sunday, President Donald Trump praised that nation’s dictator, Kim Jong Un, for his efforts on immigration, telling Kim, “No one is trying to get into your country.”

After crossing into North Korea from the Demilitarized Zone, Trump remarked to the North Korean leader, “Your border is amazing! There are no people whatsoever trying to get in. You should see our border—it’s a complete mess.”

Barely containing his envy, Trump continued, “Of course, you don’t have Congress to deal with, like I do. They’ve caused all the problems I’ve had on immigration. You’ve got a much better deal. You want to build a wall, you build a wall. No one can tell you you can’t.”

Surveying the border admiringly, Trump bemoaned the brevity of his impromptu visit with Kim. “I have so much to learn from you,” Trump said. “You must be doing something right.”

No comments:

Post a Comment