Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Andy Borowitz: HUD nominee Ben Carson aims to rid the earth of HUD

Why? The New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz explains that “Ben Carson warns that bible makes no mention of Housing or Urban Development.” Scriber wonders if Carson, practicing his craft as a neurosurgeon, cut out and discarded those parts of the brain that were not mentioned in the bible. Like prefrontal cortex? Hippocampus?

Moving on with Andy …

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In his first public statement since Donald Trump chose him to be the Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, Ben Carson said on Monday that the Bible “makes absolutely no mention of housing or urban development.”

Carson said that, when Trump initially asked him to accept the post, “the first thing I did was check the Bible to see if there was anything about housing or urban development in there, and much to my dismay there was not.”

“As you can well imagine, I did not want to be in charge of something that the Bible does not condone,” he said. “But then I realized that perhaps the Lord wants me to take this job so that I can banish housing and urban development from the earth.”

Carson offered no details about how he would eliminate housing, but said that he was seeking advice from Trump’s pick for Secretary of Education, Betsy DeVos. “She’s basically trying to do the same thing with education,” he said.

The retired neurosurgeon said that he was looking forward to taking the reins at hud but that he had “a lot of loose ends to tie up” before then. “Right now, I need to find my shoes,” he said.

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