Following are the headlines and opening paragraphs from three of New Yorker satirist Andy Borowitz to ease your way into the week. Click on the links to read the full reports.
OBAMA POLITELY ASKS TRUMP TO WAIT UNTIL INAUGURATION BEFORE DESTROYING WORLD
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an Oval Office meeting that White House aides described as “friendly but strained,” President Obama politely asked President-elect Donald Trump to wait until he is officially sworn in to begin destroying the world.
TRUMP WARNS THAT COMPANIES SHIPPING JOBS OVERSEAS WILL BE SLAPPED WITH ENORMOUS BRIBES
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—President-elect Donald J. Trump drew a line in the sand on Friday as he warned that U.S. companies planning to ship jobs overseas will be slapped with enormous bribes.
CHRIS CHRISTIE ARRESTED FOR KEYING TRUMP’S LIMO
NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—A once-prominent political career came to a shocking end on Friday as New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was arrested for keying the limo of President-elect Donald J. Trump.
Bonus link from the Washington Post: SNL makes fun of Trump’s tweets, and Trump immediately tweets his disapproval. Sad!